Something to hold on to
by Enide Dear
Summary: Yazoo is jealous, but what can he do about it? Nothing.


Title: Something to hold on to  
Author: Enide Dear  
Pairing: Loz x Yazoo  
Rating: some naked snuggling, nothing much

Dedicated to: Chibilozzie who wanted a jealous Yazoo :D

A/N: This didn't turn out at all the way I had expected it to. Hope you like it anyway!

Loz slept on his belly with his hands under the pillow, as untroubled and trusting as any child and Yazoo could lay awake for hours, just watching him. Dark of night was no obstacle for mako-eyes and the rest he got watching his brother's peaceful slumber did more to relax his mind and body than his fitful and inevitably nightmare- haunted bouts of real sleep. Not as haunted as Kadaj's of course; his youngest brother laughed and cried and cursed in his sleep, pounding his fists and heels into the mattress some nights, whiles other nights he curled up on himself like a foetus and cried.

Such fits always woke up Loz, who rolled over to his brother, gathered him up in his arms as if he could protect Kadaj with his body from the things happening in the youngest Remnant's head. Sometimes it worked and Kadaj would go limp and relaxed and fall into deep, dreamless sleep again, but more often all Loz got from it was an elbow in the ribs, the back of Kadaj's twisting head on his nose, or a kick on his shins. But it never seemed to deter him.

Yazoo wasn't prone on such melodrama. He woke gasping and sweaty from dreams he barely remembered, but he didn't cry or fight in his sleep. Of course, when he woke up he was always already in Loz's arms. That might have something to do with it.

Sometimes in the dark hours he wondered if Kadaj didn't do it for attention. *We do your biddings all day, little brother. We follow you everywhere, obey your orders unquestioning. Why can't you let have these few hours to ourselves?*

Tonight, though, Kadaj slept quietly on the other side of the bed. Yazoo had deliberately put himself between his brothers when they went to bed, and now he shuffled closer to Loz sleeping form, put his arms around the wide shoulders and pressed his face against a muscular bicep. The pure physical strength in Loz's body always served to calm him, a little, and he traced the strong, curved spine with his fingers, not too hard but not so light as to tickle. Loz arched minutely towards the faint pressure and Yazoo smiled. His brother was so simple in his likes and dislikes, so open with his emotions. Not like Kadaj who was layers upon layers of thought and schemes and plots. And personalities, to be honest.

Yazoo knew he was little better, he kept his feelings locked up very close to his heart, revealing as little as possibly. A necessary skill to survive in a world out to hurt you, but one that Loz didn't appear to need. He stroke the palm of his hand over smooth skin, the marvel of a body that could have been sculptured in marble. And yet, it was this inner strength that drew him so much, this ability to *love* and *cry* that melted Yazoo's defences and had done so since the first time they met.

He ruffled the hair affectionately, drawing a sleepy, protesting grunt from Loz who didn't wake up. Yazoo smiled. With his hair and his sideburns, Loz was by far the vainest of the three of them, he didn't like to get it muzzled and he didn't trust anyone but Yazoo to cut it for him. Even so he always had a string of admonitions ready before handing his brother the scissors. It was the only time he actually put forwards any kind of demands at all. Yazoo was always careful never to break that faith, but he knew Kadaj wouldn't have cared. Kadaj never cared much about anything that wasn't Mother, the Reunion or Sephiroth.

Loz moved in his sleep, turning over to lie on his side and Yazoo could put his arm more comfortably around his neck, stroking the sideburns with his fingertips. The strong, raw- boned face – so unlike his own chiselled or Kadaj's that still held a bit of baby-fat around the cheeks – was softened by sleep. Yazoo pressed his lips against the neck, just where the hair turned upwards, the tender junction where the quick little nerves of the mind met the long ones from the spine to form from thoughts the motions that could turn into violence, sex, caresses. Life. Loz sighed with pleasure, moved closer so their bodies were pressed against one another's all the way to their entangled feet and legs.

*Mine.* Yazoo couldn't help but think. *Mine. You got Mother and Sephiroth, Kadaj. You got this great destiny awaiting you. Mother's chosen. The avatar of destruction. Can't you let me have just one thing?*

But it wasn't in Kadaj's nature to share anything, Yazoo knew. And Loz never seemed to mind; he loved his brothers equally, as far as Yazoo could tell. He wondered if Loz knew about his feelings; he wondered if Kadaj knew. His youngest brother might not care one way or another; he'd take what he wanted no matter who got hurt, because that was who he was. And Yazoo would never press the issue, of course, because that was who *he* was.

He didn't realise he was shaking slightly with sobs until Loz turned over, put strong arms around him and pulled him towards him, Yazoo's back towards his chest.

"Don't cry…" he mumbled, barely awake, fitting them together like two spoons. "Don't cry."

Tension fell away from Yazoo as he relaxed into the embrace, felt sleep finally start to claim him. With Loz at his back he felt safe. With Loz at his back he could take on the world. He lifted his brother's big hand and kissed the palm, felt Loz clench the fingers as if he wanted to keep the kiss in.

"Mine." He felt more than heard the dreamy voice in his ear. "My Yazoo."

And with that, he could finally fall asleep.


End file.
